May is filled with springtime vibes and is host to Mother’s Day, a day when the community celebrates mothers in all forms. It is a time to feel gratitude for those who gave us life and feel joy for the role we, as women, play in the lives of our loved ones. It is also, however, a time that can be difficult for those of us who haven’t been able to realize our dream of parenthood. There may be grieving from infertility and loss. And because this time of year is celebrated so widely, it’s hard to ignore with those feelings coming up to the surface.
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For one mother, a TikToker @celinaspookyboo laid her feelings bare by sharing an emotional video with her followers, confiding that “For the ones experiencing infertility, miscarriage and child loss this Mother’s Day, I know the silence is deafening.” She goes on to talk about her own two babies which she lost, honoring them in a memorial forest surrounded by trees that are planted there. Her video is tagged “IAmOneInFour,” referring to the number of pregnancies that end up failing. For the full article, we invite you to read her story: https://www.intheknow.com/post/infertility-miscarriage-loss-mothers-day/
Whether our own mothers were nurturing or dysfunctional, or whether we have lost our mothers, becoming mothers ourselves makes us feel like we can create our own circle of love to make up for some of that loss by bringing our own children into the world. This can often become an emotional treadmill if we are struggling with infertility.
Feeling broken, ashamed or envious, our feelings can range all over the map. It’s hard not to feel like we’ve done something wrong or aren’t doing something right when we can’t achieve conception. We can feel lost and alone in these painful feelings. It’s important to be gentle with our self-talk, and not let others around us have us feeling bad because we haven’t yet given birth. For those women trying to conceive, it’s helpful to stay hopeful and not give up on ourselves. Infertility is not your fault and you are not alone!
This Mother’s Day and the entire month of May, it’s more important than ever to engage in compassion for yourself. Turn your empathy inward and give it to yourself, along with kindness. If the thoughts you are speaking to yourself are nothing you would dare say to another person in your shoes, then don’t say them to yourself either.
Don’t over-identify with what you don’t yet have. Infertility is a journey and may take a long time, and in some cases, can’t be overcome. Acknowledge your feelings without turning into a victim. While 1 in 8 couples end up fighting to become pregnant, or carrying to full term, infertility is still unique to your circumstances and not everyone will be able to understand. Your heart may feel heavy, but you aren’t alone, and there are those who can help you feel seen and heard. There is a shared connectedness with those who also walk our path.
This Mother’s Day and throughout the month of May, don’t hesitate to connect with those who are supportive of your journey. Don’t be afraid to let those who understand reach out to you and share that lifeline. It doesn’t have to be about gifts or fancy get-togethers, it can be about hugs, a listening ear or an encouraging smile. You can find your support people all over the world, thanks to social media and online groups, and you can be there for each other in seemingly small, simple ways. Take time for self-care, whether getting a spa day, going to the movies or taking a leisurely hike to enjoy nature’s bouquet this time of year.
Reach Out for Help
Infertility, miscarriage and child loss can be heartbreaking and affects women, men and even both. Meeting with an experienced fertility team can help you assess your options and find answers that help. Our Utah Fertility Center teams are located in Murray, Ogden, Park City, Pleasant Grove and St. George so you can find a location nearest you. We are here to help!